September 19, 2024 • 58min
How to Become a Better Human: Lessons on Kindness, Love, and Happiness (From a 10-Year-Old)
The Mel Robbins Podcast
Key Takeaways
- Happiness comes from connecting with others - Elton emphasizes that happiness is like a "group sport" that comes from being with friends, family, and other people
- Kindness is one of the most important things in life - Being kind to others and yourself is crucial for happiness and success
- Talk to someone when you're feeling sad or struggling - Don't bottle up emotions, share them with trusted "safe keeps" in your life
- Trying and practicing is key - Make trying part of your lifestyle, but know when to walk away if something isn't worth the effort
- Life isn't fair, but that's okay - Accept that life has ups and downs, focus on the ups
- Adults need to have fun too - It's important for parents to prioritize their own enjoyment and fun
- Let kids choose their own path - Don't try to control kids' futures, let them discover their own passions
- Spend less time on phones/screens - Too much screen time can negatively impact mood and relationships
- Therapy can be very helpful - Talking to a therapist or counselor can improve mental health and happiness
- Use the "pizza strategy" to redirect negative conversations - Change the subject to stop gossip or mean talk
Introduction
In this episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast, Mel interviews her 10-year-old friend Elton. Despite his young age, Elton shares profound wisdom and insights on happiness, kindness, friendship, and navigating life's challenges. His simple yet powerful perspectives offer valuable lessons for listeners of all ages.
Topics Discussed
The Importance of Kindness (6:00)
Elton emphasizes that kindness is one of the most crucial things in life. He explains:
"If you just decide to be a j**k all your life, then what have you really accomplished? Because, like, you're not being kind to people, you're not going to have many friends at least. And, like, we know how friends helps your mental state."
- Being kind leads to more friendships and better mental health
- Unkindness can lead to loneliness and depression
- Kindness is like "karma" - the energy you put out comes back to you
Sources of Happiness (9:25)
When asked what makes him truly happy, Elton immediately responds:
"Friends. My friends? Yeah. Like, they are the nicest people I've ever met. And, like, they are just super kind, super supportive. Like, they're into what I'm into. And, like, they were just so nice."
- Friends make the best parts of life even better
- Friends help during difficult times too
- Happiness is like a "group sport" - it comes from connecting with others
Dealing with Sadness and Loneliness (10:08)
Elton shares his approach to handling difficult emotions:
- Interact with adults as a "safe place"
- Tell trusted people like parents when feeling sad or lonely
- Don't try to change feelings, just share them with someone
Mel notes that research supports this approach - simply telling someone how you feel can make you feel better.
Screen Time and Happiness (13:32)
Elton offers advice on improving happiness:
"Spend less time on your phone and scrolling and scrolling. Because what is that going to do for you? You're just scrolling and scrolling and scrolling. When you could have time outside, making new friends, playing, talking."
- Too much phone/screen time can negatively impact mood
- Prioritize real-world connections over digital ones
- Use phones as tools to enhance life, not escape from it
Benefits of Therapy (16:13)
Elton shares his positive experience with therapy:
"I go to therapy. Like, I actively go to therapy. And, like, that helps a lot with my mental stay, and it helps a lot with being happier."
- Therapy can improve mental health and happiness
- It provides a safe space to "dump out" feelings
- Therapists offer trustworthy, experienced support
Bottling Up Emotions (18:20)
Elton uses creative analogies to explain why bottling up emotions is harmful:
"If you keep bottling it up, then you're going to have so many bottles and you're just going to feel so sad because you have all of this still in you."
"Bottling stuff up. This is a terrible comparison, but it's like eating grapes. You know, if you have too many grapes, your stomach hurts."
- Holding in emotions leads to stress and sadness
- It's okay to keep some things private, but don't bottle up too much
- Sharing feelings with trusted people is crucial for emotional health
Learning Differences and Self-Acceptance (27:37)
Elton discusses his experience being diagnosed with dysgraphia:
"I have to, like, I can't really write as well. So, like, I get to type and voice type. And it just really helped me because at the beginning of the year in fourth grade, I was, like, skipping in class. Not because I was a bad kid, because I couldn't learn, not because I didn't want to, because I couldn't, like, I physically couldn't learn."
- Learning differences don't mean someone can't learn, just that they learn differently
- Getting a diagnosis can lead to proper support and accommodations
- It's important to understand and accept your own learning style
The Importance of Trying (45:11)
Elton shares his philosophy on effort and trying:
"I have to try. That's part of my lifestyle. I try my hardest, and sometimes I'm not good enough. And that is fine. And, like, maybe if I keep trying, I will be better. And then if I keep trying and I'm not good enough, then that's just kind of like, oh, well, I can't do this, and that's fine."
- Make trying part of your lifestyle
- It's okay to not be good at everything
- Know when to keep pushing and when to accept limitations
Balancing Goals and Expectations (46:37)
Elton offers wisdom on setting realistic goals:
"I'm not aiming for the high, like, the really high. I'm aiming for what's good enough. Because if people was going to, like, go for the really high road, like, yes, you probably can do it. Yes, it will be a lot harder. But if that's a lot harder, you're more likely to give up."
- Aim for "good enough" rather than perfection
- Setting overly high goals can lead to giving up
- Find a balance between challenging yourself and being realistic
Advice for Adults About Kids (53:01)
Elton shares what he wishes adults understood better about kids:
"They have a mind of their own. Like, don't try to correct them all the time. Yes. If they're really wrong and it's going to impact them later. Yes, you can correct them. But if they're saying spoon tune, like, you don't have to correct them immediately, you can just correct them. Like when somebody's gonna notice."
- Respect that kids have their own thoughts and opinions
- Don't constantly correct or criticize kids
- Focus on important corrections, not minor mistakes
The Importance of Adult Fun (53:33)
Elton reminds adults of the importance of enjoying life:
"Just because you have kids and just because you need to take care of them all the time doesn't mean you can't have fun yourself."
- Parents need to prioritize their own enjoyment and fun
- Kids want to see their parents happy
- Having fun as an adult sets a good example for kids
Letting Kids Choose Their Path (55:49)
Elton advises against trying to control kids' futures:
"You should let them choose what their past success is. You don't have to say, oh, you're going to play basketball. Oh, you're going to be a mathematician. Like, they can choose. Like, what if they want to be a dentist?"
- Allow kids to discover their own passions and interests
- Support kids' choices rather than imposing your own vision
- True success comes from being happy in life
The "Pizza Strategy" for Redirecting Negative Conversations (57:18)
Elton shares a clever technique for stopping gossip or mean talk:
"So the pizza strategy is like, it's like training a baby. Like, if they're, like, looking at something they shouldn't, you literally just go like, hey, look at that light, or, like, look at that. But in this case, where are we going for pizza tomorrow? Like, and then they start talking about pizza. They forget about Ashley, start talking about pizza."
- Change the subject to redirect negative conversations
- Avoid confrontation while still stopping harmful talk
- This strategy works for both kids and adults
Conclusion
This episode offers a unique and refreshing perspective on happiness, kindness, and navigating life's challenges through the eyes of 10-year-old Elton. His simple yet profound insights remind listeners of all ages to prioritize connections with others, practice kindness, embrace trying new things, and find joy in life. Elton's wisdom serves as a powerful reminder that sometimes the most valuable life lessons come from unexpected sources.