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September 26, 2024 • 1hr 2min
Communicate with Confidence: The Blueprint for Mastering Every Conversation
The Mel Robbins Podcast
In this episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast, Mel interviews Jefferson Fisher, a trial lawyer and communication expert with millions of online followers. Jefferson shares powerful yet simple techniques to improve communication in all areas of life. He emphasizes that our words define who we are to others and have immense power to shape our relationships and outcomes.
Communicate with Confidence: The Blueprint for Mastering Every Conversation
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Key Takeaways
- What you say is who you are to people - Your words and communication define how others perceive and experience you
- Take a breath before speaking - Let your breath be the first "word" to give yourself time to think and respond intentionally
- Separate the person from the problem - Focus on addressing issues objectively rather than attacking the person
- Have conversational goals and values - Know what you want to achieve and how you want to conduct yourself in conversations
- Ask "What did you hear?" instead of defending yourself - Seek to understand the other person's perspective first
- Use "what" questions instead of "why" questions - "What" questions invite curiosity rather than defensiveness
- Be a "well" rather than a "waterfall" - Share information judiciously rather than overwhelming others
- Frame conversations positively - Tell people the qualities you want them to embody
- Respond to disrespect with silence - Don't engage, just say "That's below my standard for response"
- You have the power to change your communication - Small shifts in your words can transform your relationships and life
Introduction
In this episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast, Mel interviews Jefferson Fisher, a trial lawyer and communication expert with millions of online followers. Jefferson shares powerful yet simple techniques to improve communication in all areas of life. He emphasizes that our words define who we are to others and have immense power to shape our relationships and outcomes.
Topics Discussed
The Power of Words (4:52)
Jefferson explains that for most people, "what you say is who you are to people. That's the only time they will experience who you are." Our entire personality and character is compressed into our words and how we communicate. This means we have tremendous power to shape how others perceive us through intentional communication.
- Anyone can learn to be a better communicator - It's not about quantity of words, but quality
- More words does not equal better communication - Being concise is often more impactful
- Jefferson's videos resonate because they provide practical, relatable advice from real-world experience
Handling Arguments and Difficult Conversations (10:03)
Jefferson reframes the goal of arguments: "Arguments are something to unravel, not something to win." He provides strategies for de-escalating conflicts and having more productive conversations:
- Ask "What did you hear?" instead of defending yourself
- Use "what" questions instead of accusatory "why" questions
- Separate the person from the problem - Make the issue a third party you tackle together
- Frame conversations as "I have a need" rather than accusations
Communicating More Effectively (34:22)
Jefferson shares several techniques for expressing thoughts and feelings more clearly:
- Say "I feel" instead of "I think" to express emotions
- Objectify issues rather than personalizing them (e.g. "The presentation" vs. "Your presentation")
- Take a breath before speaking to give yourself time to respond intentionally
- Be concise - eliminate filler words and over-apologizing
- For social anxiety, focus on quality conversations with one person rather than trying to talk to everyone
Standing Up For Yourself (50:34)
Jefferson provides advice on how to stand your ground and respond to disrespect:
- Let your breath be the first word - Take time to acknowledge and process before responding
- Slow down your words - Don't feel rushed to respond
- Have a goal for the conversation before you start speaking
- Respond to disrespect with silence, then say "That's below my standard for response"
Conversational Goals and Values (52:16)
Jefferson emphasizes the importance of having clear intentions for conversations:
- Conversational goals - Know where you want the conversation to end up
- Conversational values - Align your communication with your core values
- Examples of values: "If I can't be a bridge, be a lighthouse", "If there's room for kindness, use it"
- Ask yourself: "Who do my words say that I am?"
Communicating Effectively at Work (1:01:38)
Jefferson provides tips for more impactful workplace communication:
- Have something to learn, not something to prove
- Be curious about others rather than pushing your own agenda
- Use words that show authority, like "direction" (e.g. "I don't like the direction this is going")
- Be mindful that your words impact how others are perceived by association
Improving Family Communication (1:03:07)
Jefferson shares advice for more effective family conversations:
- Always show love and care through your words
- Say things like "I'm telling you this because I love you"
- De-escalate arguments by saying "I'm learning too"
- Don't be afraid to apologize and own your mistakes
Conclusion
Jefferson concludes with an empowering message about the transformative power of our words:
"You have a power that you haven't tapped into yet, and that is just the power of your words. If you want to be seen as somebody who's strong, you use stronger words...What you say next has the power to change anything. And if you use it for good and you use it for light, you're always going to go right."
Mel emphasizes taking action on Jefferson's advice to create better relationships and have your words reflect the kind of person you want to be. She reminds listeners that they have the power to create a better life through their words.