August 29, 2024 • 47min
8 Things I Wish I Knew in College
The Mel Robbins Podcast
Key Takeaways
- Expect boredom and use it as motivation to explore - Boredom is normal in college, especially at first. Use it as a cue to get out of your dorm room and explore campus.
- Your body needs time to adjust - The first month of college involves major sensory changes. Give yourself grace as your body and mind adapt.
- Go slow with drinking and hookups - Many students go overboard with partying and hooking up in the first weeks. Take it slow to avoid regrets.
- Be flexible with friendships - Initial friend groups often change. Stay open and don't cling too tightly to your first friends.
- Focus on your own college experience - Avoid constantly comparing your experience to friends at other schools on social media.
- Do things alone - You don't need a buddy for everything. Get comfortable going to events, classes, etc. by yourself.
- You're not stuck - If something isn't working (roommate, classes, etc.), advocate for yourself and make changes.
- Every year is different - You'll go through changes and adjustments each year of college, not just freshman year.
Introduction
In this episode, Mel Robbins shares 8 key pieces of advice for college students, especially incoming freshmen. She frames it as the advice she wishes someone had given her before starting college, as well as insights from her own daughters' college experiences. The advice aims to help students navigate the major life transition of starting college and make the most of their college years.
Topics Discussed
Expect and Use Boredom (10:01)
Mel emphasizes that feeling bored, especially in the first weeks of college, is completely normal and even a sign you're doing college right. She advises:
- Don't sit in your dorm room when bored - Get out and explore campus
- Take advantage of campus facilities and events - Try new dining halls, attend lectures, check out clubs
- Be open to discovering new interests - Mel shares how she discovered a love of jewelry-making by exploring campus buildings when bored
"Whenever you're bored, I want you to do the opposite. I want you to walk out the door. Do not sit in your dorm room because there is so much going on around campus."
Your Body Needs Time to Adjust (16:02)
Mel explains that the biggest change in starting college is how it feels to be in your body, due to all the sensory changes:
- New sights, sounds, smells, textures - Everything from your bed to the dining hall food is different
- Disrupted body clock and sleep schedule
- Sensory overload - It's like "jumping into an ice cold pool"
She advises:
- Give yourself grace - It takes time for your body to regulate to the new environment
- Create a morning routine - Get out of bed and move your body to help adjust faster
"Recognize it. It's a shock to your whole system. And here's the thing. Everyone deals with it differently. But the one thing that everybody does the same is that everybody tries to make it look like they have it all together. They don't, because it's impossible for your body to absorb the sights, the sounds, the smells, the schedule, all of it, and actually be chill."
Go Slow with Drinking and Hookups (26:03)
Mel warns about the dangers of going overboard with partying and hooking up in the first weeks of college:
- Many students drink too much - Leading to ambulances being called
- Hookup culture is intense at first - But rushing into it often leads to regrets
- People aren't acting like themselves yet - Everyone is still adjusting
Her advice:
- Slow down the drinking - You have 4 years to party, pace yourself
- Be cautious about hooking up right away - Give yourself time to settle in
"You have plenty of time to hook up with people. You have plenty of time to meet and date upperclassmen. I promise you, if you go fast and easy this month or the next month, you're going to regret it and so will your reputation."
Be Flexible with Friendships (30:03)
Mel discusses how initial friend groups often shift and change throughout college:
- Early friend groups are often based on proximity or shared backgrounds
- These groups tend to change over time
- It's normal to feel like you haven't found your people yet
Her advice:
- Be flexible and open - Let people come and go from your social circle
- Don't cling too tightly to initial friends
- Be inclusive - Invite people along, even if they seem different
"Trust the process and trust yourself. It may feel weird right now. It's not going to feel like this forever the more that you're flexible."
Focus on Your Own College Experience (38:33)
Mel warns against constantly comparing your college experience to others, especially on social media:
- Don't waste time watching other people's highlights - It will make you feel bad about your own experience
- Stop clinging to high school friends/relationships - It prevents you from fully engaging in college
Her advice:
- Get off your phone and engage in your own college
- Create your own fun rather than watching others have fun
"For every hour that you pour into feeling bad because so and so's at a frat party or their tailgates look better, or look at how big it is at University of Michigan. And I wish I went in hay n hay n hey, every hour you do that, you are destroying 10 hours of fun you could be having at your own college."
Do Things Alone (40:33)
Mel emphasizes the importance of getting comfortable doing things by yourself in college:
- You don't need a friend for everything - Classes, clubs, meals, etc.
- Doing things alone builds confidence and independence
- It's a valuable life skill beyond college
Her advice:
- Push yourself to do things alone - Eat in the cafeteria, go to events, etc.
- Don't let insecurity hold you back from experiences
"Don't let loneliness or clinging to your friends or insecurity get in the way of you doing things. Not only can you do things alone, you need to do it alone."
You're Not Stuck (42:33)
Mel discusses the importance of taking control of your college experience:
- You're responsible for your own experience
- If something isn't working, you can change it - Roommates, classes, major, etc.
- Resources are available - RAs, advisors, deans, etc.
Her advice:
- Advocate for yourself if you need changes
- Ask for help from college resources
- Don't just complain - take action to improve your situation
"Stop complaining about the things that aren't working and actually get your b**t out of your college dorm room and go ask for help."
Every Year is Different (44:34)
Mel explains that the changes and adjustments of college aren't limited to freshman year:
- Each year brings new changes - Living situations, friend groups, classes, etc.
- You may feel overwhelmed again as a sophomore, junior, senior
- It's preparing you for lifelong change
Her advice:
- Expect and embrace the changes each year
- Use the skills you've learned to adapt each time
"That is ultimately what college is teaching you. That life is always changing, that people are going to come and go in your life and that that's normal. That you can ride the up and downs of change and that with time you can learn more about yourself."
Conclusion
Mel concludes by emphasizing that starting college is both scary and exciting. She encourages students to put her advice into practice, assuring them that it will help make college some of the best years of their lives. She reminds listeners that there will be ups and downs, but with time things will get better. Her final words of encouragement: "I love you. And I believe in you, and I believe in your ability to create a better life."