July 15, 2024 • 43min
3 Steps to Eliminate Self Doubt & Get Everything You Want In Life
The Mel Robbins Podcast
Key Takeaways
- There are three types of triggers that can be your greatest teachers in life:
- When someone you don't like gets what you want
- When someone calls you out on your BS
- When you're playing small because you're scared
- These triggers are painful but important lessons that can push you to grow and improve
- When triggered, recognize it as an opportunity to learn and take action rather than just feeling angry or embarrassed
- Use the "100 Day Rule" to make progress - commit to doing something every day for 100 days to build skills and habits
- Be honest about your capabilities and ask for help when needed instead of pretending or hiding
- Don't underestimate yourself or play small - listen to those who see your potential
- Welcome triggers as teachers and use the anger/embarrassment as fuel to motivate yourself
Introduction
In this episode, Mel Robbins discusses how certain triggering situations and people in our lives can actually be our greatest teachers if we approach them with the right mindset. She shares personal stories about three different types of triggers she has experienced and explains how to flip these painful moments into opportunities for growth and empowerment.
Topics Discussed
Trigger #1: When Someone You Don't Like Gets What You Want (8:01)
Mel shares a story about her friend "Molly", an interior designer who became extremely triggered when an "irritating" woman from her mom's group started gaining success on social media as an interior design influencer, despite having no formal training. This triggered Molly because she had been talking about getting into social media marketing for years but never took action.
Key points about this type of trigger:
- It's natural and normal to feel triggered when someone you don't like succeeds in an area you care about
- This trigger is actually a gift - it shows you what you want and what you haven't been doing
- The irritating person is your teacher because they're showing you it's possible
- You're not actually mad at them - you're mad at yourself for not taking action
- Use the anger as fuel to motivate yourself to finally do the work
Mel's advice to Molly: "You should be thanking her. Because this irritating woman is teaching you something. And by the way, she's not teaching you about what she has. She is teaching you that you aren't doing simple things every day that are leading you to where she is."
Trigger #2: When Someone Calls You Out on Your BS (22:09)
Mel shares an embarrassing personal story about talking her way into a job she wasn't qualified for early in her career. She pretended to know what she was doing for 6 months before being called out and fired. While extremely painful at the time, this experience taught her an invaluable lesson.
Key points about this type of trigger:
- Being called out on your BS is one of the most triggering things that can happen
- It's normal to feel ashamed, mortified, and angry at yourself
- This trigger teaches you the power of honesty and asking for help
- Admitting you don't know something builds trust and allows you to actually learn
- Don't hide or pretend - speak up when you need support or don't understand
Mel reflects: "Without the trigger of someone calling me out on being a liar, on not saying, I don't know what I'm doing, I would have never have learned what a superpower it is to say at any moment, I don't know what I'm doing, to say I don't know the answer, to say, I've never done that before."
Trigger #3: When You're Playing Small Because You're Scared (31:50)
Mel shares a story from early in her speaking career when she was severely undercharging for her services due to imposter syndrome and fear. After giving a speech at a major corporate event, the head of HR told her she was "10 times better" than speakers they paid 5 times more.
Key points about this type of trigger:
- This is the "imposter syndrome" trigger - underestimating your own capabilities
- Often happens when others see potential in you that you don't see in yourself
- Playing small out of fear holds you back from opportunities and success
- Listen to people who push you to take risks and believe in your potential
- Be willing to have difficult conversations to help others see their own potential
Mel advises: "Wherever you are playing small, you need to listen to the people that see something bigger for you because you see it too. You're just scared."
How to Use Triggers as Teachers (39:51)
Mel provides advice on how to flip these triggering situations into opportunities for growth and empowerment:
- Recognize the trigger - identify which type it is and that it's trying to teach you something
- Welcome the trigger - see it as a gift and opportunity to learn, not just a painful experience
- Use the "100 Day Rule" to take action:
- Commit to doing something every single day for 100 days to build skills/habits
- Examples: Post on social media daily, write song lyrics, practice free throws, etc.
- Channel anger into motivation - use the emotion as fuel to push you forward
- Be honest and ask for help instead of hiding or pretending
- Listen to those who see your potential and push you to play bigger
Mel emphasizes: "Anytime you feel angry, good. Anger gets a bad reputation. But getting really angry at yourself can be really important if you know what to do with it, because your anger is trying to tell you something."
Conclusion
Mel concludes by encouraging listeners to recognize triggers as teachers sent by the universe to help us grow. The more we ignore them, the louder and more painful they become. By welcoming triggers and using them as motivation to take action, we can become unstoppable in pursuing our goals and creating better lives for ourselves.
She leaves listeners with this final thought: "Recognizing the trigger is the hardest part, but it is the first step. And if you can stop yourself from just swirling and you recognize that the universe has handed you a teacher, holy cow, you're going to be unstoppable. Absolutely unstoppable."