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October 5, 2024 • 2hr 5min
#847 - Derek Sivers - The Unstoppable Power Of Reframing Your Experiences
Modern Wisdom
Derek Sivers is an entrepreneur, author and speaker known for founding CD Baby and his unique perspectives on life, business and decision-making. In this episode, he discusses ideas from his new book "Useful, Not True" and explores how reframing our perspectives can lead to better outcomes.
The conversation covers a wide range of topics including the nature of truth, the unreliability of our thoughts, the power of reframing, judging actions vs intentions, diversifying our worldviews, and choosing beliefs based on utility rather than absolute truth.
#847 - Derek Sivers - The Unstoppable Power Of Reframing Your Experiences
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Key Takeaways
- The concept of "useful, not true" - Choosing beliefs based on their utility rather than absolute truth. Perspectives and beliefs can be adopted if they lead to better outcomes, even if not objectively "true".
- Reframing is powerful - Looking at situations from different perspectives can lead to better strategies, insights and approaches in life. Deliberately practicing reframing is valuable.
- Our thoughts and memories are unreliable - We often confabulate reasons for our actions and have distorted memories. Being skeptical of our own thoughts is important.
- Judge actions, not intentions - Focusing on concrete actions taken rather than thoughts or intentions can be more productive and lead to better outcomes.
- Rules and norms are often arbitrary - Many societal rules and norms are not absolute truths, but rather useful guidelines that can sometimes be bent or broken when appropriate.
- Diversify your thought portfolio - Exposing yourself to diverse worldviews and perspectives, especially those very different from your own, is valuable.
- "You are what you pretend to be" - Acting in alignment with who you want to be, even if it feels inauthentic at first, can shape your identity over time.
Introduction
Derek Sivers is an entrepreneur, author and speaker known for founding CD Baby and his unique perspectives on life, business and decision-making. In this episode, he discusses ideas from his new book "Useful, Not True" and explores how reframing our perspectives can lead to better outcomes.
The conversation covers a wide range of topics including the nature of truth, the unreliability of our thoughts, the power of reframing, judging actions vs intentions, diversifying our worldviews, and choosing beliefs based on utility rather than absolute truth.
Topics Discussed
The Concept of "Useful, Not True" (4:01)
Derek explains his concept of "useful, not true" - the idea of choosing beliefs based on their utility rather than absolute truth:
- We often state opinions as facts, but many beliefs are not objectively "true"
- Beliefs can be chosen because they are useful, not because they are necessarily true
- Example: Believing "men and women are the same" as a counterbalance to tendency to overemphasize differences
- The question is not "Is this true?" but rather "Is this belief useful to me?"
"True is not the point. What the h**l is true anyway? I'm choosing this belief because it's useful to me, not because it's true." - Derek Sivers
The Power of Reframing (10:56)
Derek and Chris discuss the importance of reframing and looking at situations from different perspectives:
- Reframing can lead to smarter strategies, unique insights, and better approaches to life
- It's valuable to detach from our first reaction and consider other ways of looking at a situation
- Pushing past obvious perspectives to find radically different viewpoints is key
- Reframing is not just about feeling better, but can lead to concrete changes in strategy and action
"All of the best stuff for me in life has happened from these moments where I think harder and think past my first reaction to something and find a new approach" - Derek Sivers
The Unreliability of Our Thoughts and Memories (42:38)
Derek explains how our brains often confabulate reasons for our actions and have distorted memories:
- Split-brain patient studies show how we make up reasons for our actions
- We often don't know the real reasons for why we do things
- Our memories and perspectives on past events are often distorted
- Being skeptical of our own thoughts and memories is important
"Anytime you've ever told yourself why you did something, it's very likely not the real reason. You might have just been making that up." - Derek Sivers
Judging Actions vs Intentions (1:55:10)
Chris and Derek discuss the value of focusing on concrete actions rather than thoughts or intentions:
- Judging ourselves on actions taken rather than intentions or thoughts can be more productive
- For "Type A" personalities, this can help combat overthinking and self-criticism
- Output and results matter more than effort or intentions in many cases
- Focusing on "what did I actually do?" rather than "how did I feel about it?" can be valuable
"Judge yourself only by your actual actions, because all that other stuff is just bullshit." - Derek Sivers
The Arbitrariness of Rules and Norms (32:43)
Derek discusses how many societal rules and norms are not absolute truths:
- Many rules are useful guidelines but not immutable laws
- Understanding the purpose behind rules allows for judicious breaking of them
- Example: Using a disabled bathroom stall when appropriate
- Rules themselves are "useful, not true" - guidelines to keep society running well
"Rules are not like a law of gravity. They're not laws of nature. They are useful guidelines to keep society running well." - Derek Sivers
Diversifying Your Thought Portfolio (1:15:29)
Derek explains the value of exposing yourself to diverse worldviews and perspectives:
- Seeking out worldviews very different from your own is valuable
- Analogy to diversifying an investment portfolio
- Trying to deeply understand and inhabit different perspectives
- Goal is to have a "diversified thought portfolio" to draw from
"My main pursuit in life is to really try to learn deeply, learn and adopt very different worldviews that I can keep all together." - Derek Sivers
"You Are What You Pretend to Be" (1:52:42)
Derek discusses the idea that acting in alignment with who you want to be shapes your identity:
- Pretending to be kind makes you kind; pretending to be social makes you social
- You don't have to feel it internally - the actions are what matter
- This applies to parenting, social skills, bravery, etc.
- By pretending to be something, you become that thing through your actions
"You don't have to be that in your core and your self identity. You can just turn it on and just pretend to be that. And that's enough. Because by pretending to be that, you are being that." - Derek Sivers
Conclusion
This wide-ranging conversation explores how reframing our perspectives and choosing useful beliefs can lead to better outcomes in life. Key themes include being skeptical of our own thoughts, focusing on actions rather than intentions, exposing ourselves to diverse worldviews, and choosing beliefs based on utility rather than absolute truth.
Derek's concept of "useful, not true" provides a framework for adopting perspectives and beliefs that lead to positive results, even if they may not be objectively "true" in an absolute sense. By deliberately practicing reframing, diversifying our thought portfolio, and focusing on concrete actions, we can develop more effective strategies and approaches to life's challenges.
Ultimately, the conversation highlights the power of flexibly adopting different perspectives and beliefs as tools to achieve our goals and live more fulfilling lives. As Derek puts it: "Philosophies are tools that we use for purposes...There is no one right answer. These are tools that we use."