August 3, 2024 • 1hr 56min
#820 - Bridget Phetasy - “Sleep Your Way To Empowerment” Has Failed Women
Modern Wisdom
Key Takeaways
- Bridget Phetasy regrets her promiscuous past and "s**t phase", feeling she undervalued herself and her body by giving herself away too freely to men who didn't truly value her
- There was significant pushback against the concept of regret itself when Phetasy wrote about regretting her past behavior, with many rejecting the premise that one should feel regret
- Divorce has long-lasting impacts on children that often extend well into adulthood, including managing parents' emotions, juggling multiple sets of grandparents, and feeling like a "third wheel" in parents' new relationships
- The "anti-woke" movement may struggle to find its place if there are fewer "woke" things to push back against, as society shifts away from some of the more extreme progressive positions
- There is a concerning trend of men adopting a "victim mentality" in response to feminist critiques of masculinity, which Phetasy finds unappealing
- Modern parenting, especially among fathers, seems much more hands-on and involved compared to previous generations
- Regret can be a powerful motivator for positive change if used constructively, but can also be paralyzing if dwelled on excessively
Introduction
In this episode of Modern Wisdom, host Chris Williamson interviews writer, comedian and podcast host Bridget Phetasy. They discuss Phetasy's viral articles on regretting her promiscuous past and the long-term impacts of divorce, as well as broader cultural topics like the state of the "culture war", changing gender dynamics, and modern parenting trends. Phetasy offers candid insights from her personal experiences and observations on how society is evolving.
Topics Discussed
Viral Articles and Public Reaction (4:12)
Phetasy discusses two of her articles that went viral - one about regretting her "s**t phase" and another about the long-lasting impacts of divorce. She expresses surprise at how much these more personal, introspective pieces resonated compared to her more analytical cultural commentary.
Key points:
- The articles felt vulnerable to write but struck a chord with many readers who related to the experiences
- There was significant pushback against the concept of regret itself, which Phetasy found interesting
- Many parents were unsure if they wanted their children (especially daughters) to read the "s**t regret" article
Long-Term Impacts of Divorce (6:56)
Phetasy elaborates on her article about divorce, explaining how its impacts often extend well into adulthood for children of divorced parents.
Key insights:
- Ongoing family dynamics: Adult children often still have to manage their parents' emotions and juggle complex family situations decades later
- Resource splitting: Divorce can dilute family resources that would have gone down one bloodline
- New relationships: Children often feel like a "third wheel" in parents' new relationships
- Increased abuse risk: Introducing non-biological adults into children's lives statistically increases risk of various forms of abuse
"Even these adults who get divorced don't necessarily get over it in their lifetime or suffer consequences of it. It's not just their kids." - Bridget Phetasy
Regret and Personal Responsibility (24:39)
The discussion turns to the concept of regret and why there seems to be such resistance to it in modern culture.
Key points:
- Phetasy believes the "YOLO culture" and emphasis on shamelessness contributes to people rejecting the idea of regret
- Regret is interconnected with shame, which people are very averse to feeling
- There's a tendency to say "it made me who I am" rather than critically examining past choices
- Phetasy's personal regrets: Undervaluing herself, her body, and her "essence" by giving herself away too freely to men who didn't truly value her
"I regret ignoring that I was damaging myself repeatedly." - Bridget Phetasy
The Current State of the "Culture War" (51:31)
Williamson asks Phetasy about the current state of the culture war and what might happen to the "anti-woke" movement if there are fewer "woke" things to push back against.
Key insights:
- The landscape has shifted, with more openness to previously taboo topics and jokes
- There's a growing "politically homeless" contingent that disdains both major political sides
- The outcome of the upcoming U.S. election will likely impact the trajectory of these cultural battles
- If Trump wins, the left may become "completely insane" again, giving the anti-woke more to push back against
Changing Gender Dynamics and Male "Victimhood" (1:45:00)
Phetasy expresses concern about a trend of men adopting a "victim mentality" in response to feminist critiques and changing cultural norms around masculinity.
Key points:
- She finds the "whiny bitchiness" of some men in reaction to feminist critiques very unattractive
- Men who are successful and "killing it" in life generally don't complain about women having too much cultural influence
- There's a danger in trying to make men and women "the same" rather than acknowledging and valuing differences
"It really is creating this ugly victim culture in men that I find so unappealing." - Bridget Phetasy
Modern Parenting Trends (1:51:49)
The conversation shifts to observations about how parenting, especially fatherhood, has evolved in recent generations.
Key insights:
- Modern fathers seem much more hands-on and involved with childcare compared to previous generations
- Economic factors often necessitate both parents being involved in childcare and household management
- There's a trend towards more intuitive, less rigid parenting styles
- Some express concern about over-scheduling children and lack of intergenerational play
The Power and Pitfalls of Regret (1:29:16)
Phetasy reflects on how regret can be both a powerful motivator for change and a potential trap if dwelled on excessively.
Key points:
- Regret can be very powerful if used to motivate positive changes
- In addiction recovery, facing regret is often one of the biggest challenges to staying sober
- It's important to find a balance between acknowledging past mistakes and not becoming paralyzed by them
"Regret is very powerful if you use it to motivate, but when you get sober, one of the reasons people have such a hard time staying sober is because of the massive amount of regret that they have to face." - Bridget Phetasy
Conclusion
This wide-ranging conversation between Chris Williamson and Bridget Phetasy touched on deeply personal topics like regret and divorce, as well as broader cultural shifts around gender, parenting, and political polarization. Phetasy's candid reflections on her past and observations of societal trends offer valuable insights into how individuals and culture at large grapple with change, responsibility, and the search for meaning. While there are certainly challenges in navigating these complex issues, the discussion also highlighted positive developments like more involved fatherhood and a growing contingent of people dissatisfied with extreme political polarization.