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July 22, 2024 • 1hr 57min
#815 - Blaine Anderson - A Woman’s Guide To Attracting Women
Modern Wisdom
Blaine Anderson is a dating coach for men who helps them build confidence, market themselves authentically, create chemistry, and attract quality women. In this episode, she discusses common dating struggles men face and provides actionable advice for improving one's dating life.
The conversation covers a wide range of dating topics including approaching women, designing online dating profiles, texting strategies, first date tips, and the traits women actually care about in men. Blaine draws on her experience coaching thousands of men as well as survey data she has collected from women.
#815 - Blaine Anderson - A Woman’s Guide To Attracting Women
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Key Takeaways
- Women want to be approached more in real life - 95% of women surveyed said they wish men approached them more often in person
- Overcome approach anxiety by taking the pressure off, flirting with the world, and starting small with low-stakes interactions
- Online dating profiles need high quality, recent photos that showcase your lifestyle and interests
- Keep texting minimal and focused on setting up dates rather than long conversations
- First dates should be lightweight like drinks or coffee to establish a vibe, not long dinners
- Physical touch is crucial on dates to establish romantic/sexual interest beyond just friendly conversation
- Smart guys often struggle with dating by over-intellectualizing and not building emotional/sexual connections
- Women care more about a man's ambition and trajectory than his current job or status
- To attract quality women, men need to build interesting lives with hobbies, friends, and goals outside of dating
Introduction
Blaine Anderson is a dating coach for men who helps them build confidence, market themselves authentically, create chemistry, and attract quality women. In this episode, she discusses common dating struggles men face and provides actionable advice for improving one's dating life.
The conversation covers a wide range of dating topics including approaching women, designing online dating profiles, texting strategies, first date tips, and the traits women actually care about in men. Blaine draws on her experience coaching thousands of men as well as survey data she has collected from women.
Topics Discussed
Approaching Women in Real Life (5:46)
Blaine conducted a survey of 13,000 women in the US and UK and found that 97% said they would rather meet a partner in person than online. Additionally, 95% said they wish men approached them more often in real life.
To overcome approach anxiety, Blaine recommends:
- Take the pressure off - don't focus on getting a number, just connect with another human
- Start by approaching and talking to all types of people, not just attractive women
- "Flirt with the world" - be more playful and engaging in all interactions
- Use simple openers like "I noticed you from over there and wanted to say hello"
- Focus on nonverbals like good posture, eye contact, and smiling
She emphasizes that the guys who are worried about being creepy are usually not the creepy ones. The key is to be respectful and read social cues.
Designing an Effective Online Dating Profile (28:22)
For online dating profiles, Blaine stresses the importance of high-quality, recent photos that accurately show what you look like now. Key tips include:
- Lead with a clear photo of your face, ideally looking at the camera
- Include at least one full body shot
- Use "lifestyle" photos that showcase your interests and how you spend your time
- Avoid selfies, mirror pics, and photos with women who could be mistaken for an ex
- Consider using a professional photographer for dating profile shots
For written prompts and bios, keep things light-hearted and intriguing. The goal is to give her a reason to want to know more about you.
Texting and Messaging Strategies (40:33)
Blaine advises keeping texting minimal and focused on setting up dates rather than long conversations. Key points:
- You're more likely to text yourself out of a date than into one
- Use texting mainly for logistics to set up in-person meetings
- Avoid becoming a "pen pal" with lengthy text exchanges
- Aim to move from matching to asking for a date within 2-10 message exchanges
"You don't need a flashing green light to ask for a date. Go for asking." - Blaine Anderson
First Date Tips (45:22)
For first dates, Blaine recommends:
- Keep it lightweight - drinks, coffee, or a casual activity
- Aim to have her do 70% of the talking
- Ask questions on topics you also find interesting to create emotional connections
- Incorporate physical touch throughout the date to establish romantic interest
- Go for a kiss at the end if the vibe feels right
She emphasizes treating it as a "vibe check" rather than an intense interview. The goal is to see if you click and want to spend more time together.
Meeting Women in Person (1:02:14)
Blaine suggests focusing on places you already spend time and aligning with your hobbies/interests. Good options include:
- Fitness classes like yoga, pilates, or CrossFit
- Run clubs
- Rock climbing gyms
- Cooking classes
- Dance classes (salsa, swing, etc.)
- Volunteer organizations
The key is to become a regular and build connections over time rather than just going once to try to meet women.
Traits Women Actually Care About (1:50:55)
Blaine outlines three key things women want in a partner:
- Status - Ambition, drive, and an upward trajectory
- Desire - Making her feel wanted and creating sexual tension
- Fun - Being able to have a good time together
She notes that women care less about a man's specific job or current status, and more about his goals and how he talks about his work/life. Showing passion and purpose is more attractive than just having an impressive title.
Challenges for Smart Guys (1:43:22)
Blaine observes that very intelligent men often struggle with dating because:
- They overthink interactions rather than being authentic
- They're good at intellectual connections but not emotional/sexual ones
- They optimize for "correct" answers rather than playful/flirty ones
To overcome this, she recommends smart guys focus on:
- Incorporating more physical touch to create familiarity
- Being more playful and silly rather than always serious
- Creating emotional "spikes" rather than just having pleasant conversations
Improving Your Overall Dating Prospects (1:33:40)
Blaine emphasizes that men need to build interesting lives outside of dating to be attractive to quality women. This includes:
- Developing hobbies and passions
- Building a strong social circle and community
- Setting goals and working towards them
- Taking care of your physical appearance and health
She notes that guys often want to wait until they have a girlfriend to do fun things, but this is backwards. You need to create an appealing life first to attract a great partner.
Conclusion
The overarching message is that men can significantly improve their dating lives by taking action, getting out of their comfort zones, and focusing on personal growth. While looks and status matter to some degree, women are ultimately most attracted to men who are confident, have interesting lives, and make them feel desired.
Blaine emphasizes that dating skills are learnable and that even guys who are really struggling can turn things around with consistent effort. The key is to start small, practice regularly, and focus on building an overall lifestyle you're proud of rather than just trying to impress women.
By combining the right mindset, social skills, and life experiences, men can become much more successful in attracting and connecting with quality women they're excited about dating.