July 18, 2024 • 2hr 19min
#813 - Joe Hudson - The Art Of Mastering Your Emotions
Modern Wisdom
Key Takeaways
- The emotion we don't want to feel is often the emotion we invite in through our attempts to avoid it. This creates a self-reinforcing cycle.
- Trying to control or stop negative self-talk usually doesn't work. The key is changing how we react to it.
- Enjoyment and pleasure are underrated measures of efficiency and effectiveness. Focusing on enjoying the process often leads to better results.
- Many people struggle to connect with their emotions due to past experiences of emotional abuse or losing control. Learning to feel emotions fully is key to healing.
- Shame is an emotion that stagnates other emotions. It's important to distinguish between guilt (I did something wrong) and shame (I am fundamentally flawed).
- Self-discovery and self-improvement are not at odds. Finding out who you truly are naturally leads to growth and evolution.
- Simple practices like asking "How could this be 10% more enjoyable?" or "What's looking out behind my eyes?" can be powerful tools for presence and self-awareness.
- Doing a daily gratitude practice with a friend, focused on feeling the gratitude, can be transformative for one's mindset and sense of self.
Introduction
In this episode of Modern Wisdom, host Chris Williamson interviews Joe Hudson, a coach, entrepreneur and podcast host. They discuss Joe's approach to personal development, emotional intelligence, and achieving success through self-discovery. Joe shares insights from his work with high-performing individuals and offers practical tools for increasing self-awareness, enjoyment, and effectiveness in both personal and professional realms.
Topics Discussed
The Golden Algorithm: How We Create What We Try to Avoid (4:01)
Joe introduces the concept of the "Golden Algorithm" - the idea that we often create the very emotions or situations we're trying to avoid through our avoidance strategies. He gives an example from his own life:
"I would just keep on finding emotional abandonment. Everywhere I looked... I would harden up. I would, like, you know, get angry or something, which, of course, creates a more likelihood of abandonment."
- This pattern applies across many areas of life, from personal relationships to business
- The way to change the algorithm is to welcome and embrace the very thing you're trying to avoid
- Complex ecosystems need challenge and strain to stay healthy - avoiding difficult emotions prevents growth
The Spiritual Path and Self-Improvement (12:50)
Joe discusses how the spiritual path or self-improvement journey can often be another way of saying "I am not good enough yet." He shares his own experience with meditation:
- Initially had an amazing meditation experience, then spent years trying to recreate it
- Meditation became a form of self-management, which was "absolute f**king h**l"
- The concept of needing to fix oneself often slows down growth and transformation
- Our nature is to evolve and grow, but that doesn't mean we're fundamentally flawed
Being vs. Becoming and the Role of Enjoyment (15:54)
Chris and Joe explore the tension between being and becoming, and how to balance striving with contentment. Joe emphasizes the importance of enjoyment:
- There's no real difference between being and becoming - they can't exist without each other
- Enjoyment is a great measure of efficiency - doing things with enjoyment often requires less energy and generates more
- Two ways to increase enjoyment: choose enjoyable activities and learn to enjoy whatever you're doing
- Focusing on enjoyment often leads to greater productivity and better results
Understanding and Working with Emotions (19:38)
Joe explains why many people struggle to connect with their emotions and offers insights on how to work with them:
- Past experiences of emotional abuse or losing control can lead to disconnection from emotions
- Many people fear that fully feeling emotions will lead to being overwhelmed or stuck
- Emotions are held in the muscles - there's a physical sensation that comes with emotional experiences
- Techniques for working with emotions include emotional inquiry, expression, and welcoming difficult feelings
The Critical Voice in Our Heads (49:03)
Joe discusses the nature of negative self-talk and how to work with it:
- The critical voice often comes from internalized messages from caregivers or authority figures
- Trying to stop or control the voice usually doesn't work
- The key is changing how we react to the voice - experimenting with different responses
- With practice, it's possible for most of the repetitive negative self-talk to go away
Shame and Its Impact (55:37)
Joe explains the difference between guilt and shame and discusses shame's impact on emotional and personal growth:
- Guilt: "I've done something wrong." Shame: "There's something fundamentally wrong with me."
- Shame stagnates other emotions and slows down personal growth
- On a mental level, shame manifests as negative self-talk
- On an emotional level, it causes stagnation of emotions
- On a gut level, it creates a sense of not being safe
Self-Improvement vs. Self-Discovery (58:47)
Joe shares his perspective on the relationship between self-improvement and self-discovery:
- There isn't necessarily a tension between the two - self-realization naturally leads to evolution
- Focusing on understanding oneself often leads to faster growth than trying to "improve"
- The most successful people often have a vision or goal beyond just self-improvement
- Falling in love with oneself and understanding oneself are often more efficient paths to growth
Practical Tools and Experiments (2:13:55)
Joe shares several practical tools and experiments for increasing self-awareness and emotional intelligence:
- Change how you respond to the voice in your head - experiment with different responses each week
- Ask yourself "How can I enjoy this 10% more?" throughout the day
- Regularly ask "Who's looking out behind these eyes?" to cultivate presence
- Do a daily gratitude practice with a friend, focusing on feeling the gratitude
- Label your emotions 5-10 times a day to increase emotional awareness
Conclusion
This conversation between Chris Williamson and Joe Hudson offers a wealth of insights and practical tools for personal growth, emotional intelligence, and achieving success through self-discovery. Joe's approach emphasizes the importance of enjoyment, emotional fluidity, and changing our relationship with negative self-talk. By focusing on understanding ourselves deeply and welcoming all of our emotional experiences, we can create more fulfilling and effective lives both personally and professionally. The practical experiments and tools shared provide listeners with concrete ways to begin implementing these ideas in their own lives.