July 13, 2024 • 1hr 10min
#809 - Cory Allen - The Spiritual Pursuit Of Becoming A Braver Person
Modern Wisdom
Key Takeaways
- Many people feel like they are drifting through life because they are caught in a momentum of distraction and reaction, rather than making intentional choices
- We often mistake our habitual patterns and reactions for who we are and what's possible, limiting our potential for growth and change
- Increasing self-awareness allows us to see that we have agency in our lives and can make intentional choices rather than just reacting
- The space between stimulus and response is where we can insert intentional choice and break reactive patterns
- Bravery involves listening to your intuition and inner voice, rather than just following external expectations
- Balance between intellect and intuition is important - overreliance on intellect can lead to isolation and lack of connection
- Setting small, attainable goals helps build momentum and self-trust over time
- Anxiety is prevalent due to overstimulated nervous systems and an overwhelming amount of information and awareness in modern life
- For relaxation routines, focus on what works for you personally rather than trying to follow every trend
- Look for "portals" in life - opportunities that arise from combining different aspects of yourself in new ways
Introduction
In this episode of Modern Wisdom, host Chris Williamson interviews Corey Allen, a meditation coach, podcaster, and author. They discuss why many people feel like they are drifting through life, how to navigate emotions and thoughts more effectively, and strategies for personal growth and change. Allen shares insights from his new book and his experiences helping people develop greater self-awareness and intentionality in their lives.
Topics Discussed
Why People Feel Like They're Drifting Through Life (06:09)
Allen explains that many people feel like they are drifting because they are caught in a momentum of distraction and reaction rather than making intentional choices. As we grow up, we're constantly reacting to our environment - parents, school, society - without much self-awareness. Over time, these reactive patterns become habitual and we mistake them for who we are and what's possible in life.
He states: "We're not ever really clear in the moment about what's going on. We're just simply kind of reacting to everything that's happening around us."
- Reactive patterns form gradually and become our "normal"
- We mistake these patterns for our identity and capabilities
- Increasing self-awareness allows us to see we have agency in our choices
- We can learn to make intentional choices rather than just reacting
Changing Our Definition of What's Possible (09:29)
Allen discusses how to expand our sense of what's possible beyond our current limiting beliefs and experiences:
- Recognize that negative, limiting thoughts are holding you back
- Many things we want to achieve are possible - others have done them
- Our mindset and self-perception are often the main barriers
- At the "edge of change," negative thoughts often arise to stop us
- These thoughts feel like a biological fear response to protect us
- Recognize these thoughts as your body trying to avoid vulnerability, not reality
Allen explains: "Ultimately what that is, is that is your amygdala, that's your animal brain sending signals to you going, hey, this isn't safe. You're going to be vulnerable. Back up, right?"
Overcoming Fear and Taking Action (17:37)
Using the example of approaching someone at a bar, Allen outlines steps to overcome fear and take action:
- Start by noticing negative self-talk before the situation
- Question the "proof" behind negative thoughts - there usually isn't any
- Focus on being present and curious rather than catastrophizing
- When fear arises, pause and zoom out to look at the situation objectively
- Remind yourself there are no real stakes - it's just a brief interaction
- Take action once, then use that as proof you can do it again
He emphasizes: "After you've done it once, now you have a receipt...you go, you know what? Actually, I did that. And it wasn't a big deal. I'm still alive."
Self-Consciousness and Main Character Syndrome (25:54)
Allen discusses how we tend to overestimate how much others are paying attention to us:
- We often feel like we're the "main character" and everyone is watching us
- In reality, most people are focused on themselves, not us
- Remembering we're all "background characters" can be freeing
- This perspective allows us to relax and take more risks
He states: "We're all background players. Like, there is no main character. We're all background characters. And that's a really freeing thing to consider."
Balancing Intellect and Intuition (37:17)
Allen explores the tension between intellect and intuition, especially for high achievers:
- Many intelligent people overrely on intellect and disregard intuition
- This can lead to isolation and difficulty connecting with others
- Balance between intellect and emotion allows for fuller human experience
- Overintellectualization can be a defense mechanism against vulnerability
- Allowing space for intuition and emotion enables deeper connections
He explains: "Only until we stop relying completely on hyper intellectualization can we open up and expand and allow ourselves to connect with other people."
Practices for Embracing Emotion and Intuition (42:06)
Allen shares practices for becoming more attuned to emotions and intuition:
- Slow down and sit with whatever you're feeling without judgment
- Label and describe the sensations and emotions arising
- Use your intellect as a tool to explore and understand the feelings
- Look for patterns in when certain emotions arise
- View emotions as valuable information, not something to suppress
He suggests: "The more that you start just noting and quickly labeling without overthinking, just intuitively labeling these notes of feelings that are arising, then they'll start to expand."
Imposter Syndrome (48:47)
Allen discusses how to reframe imposter syndrome:
- Remember you wouldn't be in a situation if you weren't qualified
- People don't invite you by accident - you belong there
- Recognize imposter syndrome as a narrative, not reality
- Look for proof to counter the negative thoughts
He states: "They didn't invite you by accident. Like, they brought you there because you belong there, because you are capable."
Goal Setting and Habits (50:51)
Allen shares his perspective on effective goal setting and habit formation:
- Set small, attainable goals to build momentum and self-trust
- Clearly define what you want to achieve and why
- Make goals easily achievable to ensure consistency
- Consistency over time leads to lasting change and results
- Revisit goals regularly to ensure actions align with desired outcomes
- For big aspirations, dream even bigger to shift your mindset
He emphasizes: "Everything that you want to achieve comes through compound interest. Everything is consistency plus time equals lasting change in results."
Why Anxiety is Prevalent (58:03)
Allen explores reasons for the prevalence of anxiety in modern life:
- Overstimulated nervous systems from constant technological input
- Overwhelming amount of global information and awareness
- Rapid social and cultural changes creating uncertainty
- Short-term predictability but long-term unpredictability
- Illusion of control in some areas heightens anxiety about unknowns
He explains: "I think our nervous systems are just frazzled, man. We're fried. You know, it's like we have it. Not only do we have all this technological input that we're always done with all the time, it's like, you know, we're basically like air traffic controllers."
Designing Relaxation Routines (1:02:34)
Allen shares advice on creating effective relaxation and rejuvenation practices:
- Don't get too precious or complicated with routines
- Experiment to find what works for you personally
- Build your own routine based on what feels good and effective
- Don't force practices just because influencers recommend them
- Cherry-pick elements from different approaches to create your own path
He advises: "Stop worrying so much about what all these other people are telling you that you need to do to feel better. Like, experiment. Like, figure out what works for you and what feels good to you, and then build your own routine out of that stuff."
"Portals" for Personal Growth (1:05:35)
Allen discusses the concept of "portals" - opportunities for growth and change:
- Portals arise when different aspects of yourself combine in new ways
- They often appear as unexpected opportunities
- Being aware of these moments allows you to walk through them
- Portals can lead to major personal and professional advancements
- Examples include combining different skills in a new career direction
He explains: "These big changes happen every time. And I look at other people and it's the same thing for them...It's whenever there's one part of yourself that you understand to be valuable and you feel some sense of mastery in, then there's another aspect of yourself that is valuable and you have some natural mastery in something outside of you will arise that will ask those two parts of self to join together."
Conclusion
This wide-ranging conversation between Chris Williamson and Corey Allen explored numerous strategies for personal growth, overcoming limiting beliefs, and living with greater intentionality. Key themes included increasing self-awareness, balancing intellect and intuition, setting attainable goals, and recognizing opportunities for change. Allen emphasized the importance of questioning negative thought patterns, embracing vulnerability, and creating personalized practices for relaxation and rejuvenation. By implementing these insights, listeners can work towards feeling less adrift and more in control of shaping their lives and experiences.