May 30, 2022 • 2hr 4min

The Science & Process of Healing from Grief

Huberman Lab

In this episode, Dr. Andrew Huberman discusses the science of grief and the process of healing from loss. He explains that grief is a natural emotion most people experience, but it can be bewildering why it's so crushing and difficult to reframe our thinking after losing someone. Huberman explores how we conceptualize grief both emotionally and logically, drawing on neuroscience and psychology research. He describes how relationships are mapped in the brain along dimensions of space, time, and emotional closeness. Understanding this mapping provides insight into why grief is so challenging and how to navigate it more effectively. The episode covers the differences between grief and depression, debunks myths about stages of grief, and provides science-based tools to assist with the grieving process. Huberman emphasizes that while grief is painful, there are ways to move through it adaptively while maintaining emotional connections to those we've lost.

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Key Takeaways

Grief is a motivational state involving yearning and desire, not just sadness. Brain imaging shows activation of reward and craving circuits during grief.
Relationships are mapped in the brain along 3 dimensions: space, time, and emotional closeness/attachment. Grief involves disruption of the space and time dimensions while maintaining attachment.
Moving through grief adaptively involves:
- Maintaining emotional attachment while uncoupling from expectations about space/time
- Dedicated time to feel the attachment without engaging in "what if" thinking
- Remapping understanding of where the person/animal/thing exists now
Individual differences in grieving relate to factors like:
- Oxytocin receptor levels in reward regions of the brain
- Baseline levels of stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline
- Vagal tone and ability to regulate physiological states
Tools to support healthy grieving:
- Regulating sleep-wake cycles and cortisol rhythms
- Practices to increase vagal tone like breathing exercises
- Accessing quality sleep for neuroplasticity
- Writing/thinking about emotional attachment

Introduction

In this episode, Dr. Andrew Huberman discusses the science of grief and the process of healing from loss. He explains that grief is a natural emotion most people experience, but it can be bewildering why it's so crushing and difficult to reframe our thinking after losing someone.

Huberman explores how we conceptualize grief both emotionally and logically, drawing on neuroscience and psychology research. He describes how relationships are mapped in the brain along dimensions of space, time, and emotional closeness. Understanding this mapping provides insight into why grief is so challenging and how to navigate it more effectively.

The episode covers the differences between grief and depression, debunks myths about stages of grief, and provides science-based tools to assist with the grieving process. Huberman emphasizes that while grief is painful, there are ways to move through it adaptively while maintaining emotional connections to those we've lost.

Topics Discussed

Grief as a Motivational State (16:02)

Brain imaging shows activation of reward and craving circuits during grief
Grief involves yearning and desire, not just sadness
The nucleus accumbens, associated with motivation, is activated in complicated grief
"Grief is not just about sadness, it is a state of sadness. Hence the activation of brain areas associated with pain. And it is a state of desire and reaching for something."

Mapping Relationships in the Brain (22:03)

Relationships are represented along 3 dimensions: space, time, and closeness/attachment
The inferior parietal lobule integrates these dimensions
Grief disrupts the space and time dimensions while attachment remains
This explains why we expect the person to still be present even when we know they're gone

Richard Feynman's Grief Letter (38:06)

Huberman reads a letter Feynman wrote to his deceased wife years after her death
Illustrates maintaining intense attachment while struggling to reconcile her absence
"I find it hard to understand in my mind what it means to love you after you are dead. But I still want to comfort and take care of you."

Moving Through Grief Adaptively (50:09)

Maintain emotional attachment while uncoupling from space/time expectations
Dedicate time to feel attachment without "what if" counterfactual thinking
Remap understanding of where the person exists now
Avoid trying to reduce intensity of attachment
Tool: 5-45 minute periods of "rational grieving" to practice this

Individual Differences in Grieving (1:10:13)

Oxytocin receptor levels in reward regions impact intensity of yearning
Higher baseline adrenaline associated with complicated grief
Vagal tone affects ability to benefit from emotional disclosure practices
"People that experience intense grief and a deep yearning and a motivation to reconnect with the person, animal or thing that is lost in many cases have heightened levels of oxytocin specifically, or I should say oxytocin receptors, to be exact, specifically within the brain regions associated with craving in pursuit."

Cortisol Patterns in Grief (1:42:19)

Complicated grief associated with higher afternoon/evening cortisol
Likely bidirectional relationship between cortisol patterns and grief
Regulating cortisol rhythms may support moving through grief
Tool: View sunlight early in day to regulate cortisol

Sleep and Neuroplasticity in Grief (1:48:20)

Quality sleep essential for emotion regulation and rewiring neural connections
Viewing morning sunlight helps regulate sleep-wake cycles
Avoid bright artificial light in evening
Tool: Non-sleep deep rest (NSDR) practices to support neuroplasticity

Writing About Emotional Attachment (1:34:18)

Study found writing about attachment beneficial for those with high vagal tone
Accessing somatic feelings of attachment through writing/thinking can be helpful
Individual differences in mind-body connection impact effectiveness

Preparing for Future Grief (1:58:21)

Regulating baseline stress hormones and autonomic nervous system
Practices to increase vagal tone like breathing exercises
Building capacity to feel attachment while staying grounded in present reality

Conclusion

Dr. Huberman emphasizes that grief is a natural and important process that should not be avoided. While individual experiences vary, understanding the neuroscience of grief can provide insight into why it's so challenging and how to move through it more adaptively.

Key aspects of healthy grieving include maintaining emotional attachment while uncoupling from expectations about space and time, dedicating time to feel the attachment without engaging in "what if" thinking, and remapping our understanding of where the person/animal/thing exists now. Tools like regulating sleep-wake cycles, increasing vagal tone, and writing about emotional attachments can support this process.

Huberman encourages listeners to lean into building rich emotional attachments and experiences with loved ones, as these are what make life meaningful despite the pain of loss. He concludes by noting that while grief is difficult, there are ways to move through it that honor our connections to those we've lost.