December 20, 2021 • 1hr 30min

Science of Social Bonding in Family, Friendship & Romantic Love

Huberman Lab

In this episode, Dr. Andrew Huberman discusses the biology, psychology and practices of social bonding. He explains that from birth until death, the quality of our social bonds greatly impacts our quality of life. The brain and nervous system are wired for social bonds of various types - between infant and parent, friends, romantic partners, etc. Huberman explores the neural circuits, neurochemicals, and hormones that underlie the formation, maintenance and dissolution of social bonds. He also provides actionable tools that can be applied to enhance social connections in everyday life.

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Key Takeaways

Social bonding is controlled by specific neural circuits in the brain that regulate our drive for social interaction, similar to circuits that control hunger and thirst
The dorsal raphe nucleus contains dopamine neurons that drive our motivation to seek out social contact when we are lacking it
Introverts and extroverts differ in how much dopamine they release in response to social interaction - introverts get more dopamine from less interaction
Strong social bonds require both emotional empathy (shared physiological states) and cognitive empathy (understanding how the other person thinks)
Oxytocin is a key hormone involved in social bonding, trust, and attachment between individuals
Early infant-caregiver attachment shapes the neural circuits we use for social bonding throughout life
Shared experiences that synchronize physiological states between people can rapidly enhance bonding
Understanding the biology of social bonding can provide insights into forming and maintaining relationships of all kinds

Introduction

In this episode, Dr. Andrew Huberman discusses the biology, psychology and practices of social bonding. He explains that from birth until death, the quality of our social bonds greatly impacts our quality of life. The brain and nervous system are wired for social bonds of various types - between infant and parent, friends, romantic partners, etc. Huberman explores the neural circuits, neurochemicals, and hormones that underlie the formation, maintenance and dissolution of social bonds. He also provides actionable tools that can be applied to enhance social connections in everyday life.

Topics Discussed

Neural Circuits for Social Homeostasis (13:32)

Huberman introduces the concept of "social homeostasis" - the brain's drive to maintain a certain level of social interaction, similar to how we regulate hunger, thirst, and body temperature. Key components of this circuit include:

Detector: Anterior cingulate cortex and basolateral amygdala
Control center: Lateral and periventricular hypothalamus
Effector: Dorsal raphe nucleus (DRN)
Prefrontal cortex for subjective interpretation and hierarchy

The DRN contains dopamine neurons that drive motivation to seek social contact when we are lacking it. "When we are not interacting with people at the frequency or intensity that we crave, dopamine is released," explains Huberman.

Introverts vs Extroverts (28:10)

Huberman reframes introversion and extroversion in terms of the social homeostasis circuit:

Introverts release more dopamine from less social interaction, so they feel satisfied with less
Extroverts release less dopamine from the same amount of interaction, so they need more to feel satisfied

He emphasizes this is not about how talkative or social someone appears, but about how much interaction they need to feel fulfilled.

Loneliness and Social Hunger (33:54)

Huberman discusses research showing that activating dopamine neurons in the dorsal raphe nucleus induces a loneliness-like state that motivates social seeking behavior. He explains:

"What we think of as loneliness, as this big kind of dark cloud or fog in our psychological landscape, boils down to a very small set of neurons releasing a specific neurochemical for motivation."

Crossover Between Social and Food Cravings (38:05)

Research shows that acute social isolation can increase cravings for both social interaction and food. Huberman explains this is because social and food seeking behaviors use overlapping neural circuits:

Social isolation increases activity in brain regions involved in food reward
Food deprivation can increase desire for social contact
Both social and food cravings involve dopamine release

Synchronizing Physiologies to Enhance Bonding (45:05)

Huberman discusses research showing that shared experiences, like listening to the same story, can synchronize heart rates between individuals even when they are not physically together. He explains how this physiological synchronization enhances bonding:

Creates a sense of shared experience and connection
Activates neural circuits involved in social bonding
Can occur through shared activities like watching movies, sports, music

He suggests leveraging this by focusing on shared external experiences to enhance bonding, especially in challenging relationships.

Early Attachment and Adult Relationships (53:54)

Huberman explores how early infant-caregiver attachment shapes the neural circuits we use for social bonding throughout life, based on the work of psychoanalyst Allan Schore. Key points:

Right brain circuits involved in emotional/autonomic bonding
Left brain circuits involved in cognitive/narrative bonding
Healthy attachment requires both emotional and cognitive empathy
These circuits are repurposed for adult relationships

He emphasizes that having both emotional connection (shared physiological states) and cognitive connection (shared understanding) creates the strongest bonds.

Oxytocin and Social Bonding (1:10:40)

Huberman discusses oxytocin as a key hormone involved in social bonding:

Released during childbirth, breastfeeding, orgasm, social recognition
Promotes trust, pair bonding, and social attachment
Acts as a "hormonal glue" between individuals
Genetic variations in oxytocin system affect bonding capacity

He notes that oxytocin release scales with how closely associated individuals are, with the strongest effects between parent-child and romantic partners.

Social Media and Oxytocin (1:18:56)

Huberman discusses research showing genetic variations in the oxytocin system correlate with social media behavior:

People with higher oxytocin function tend to seek more online social interactions
Suggests oxytocin system plays a role in online social bonding
Challenges notion that online connections aren't "real"

He notes: "We are socially bonded with other people through social media. And it's very apparent that the oxytocin system is playing some role in that."

Key Points for Understanding Social Bonds (1:24:08)

Huberman summarizes key points about the biology of social bonding:

All social bonds involve both emotional and cognitive empathy
Emotional empathy involves shared autonomic/physiological states
Cognitive empathy is understanding how the other person thinks
External shared experiences can drive physiological synchrony
Introversion/extroversion is about how much interaction is needed to feel satisfied
Oxytocin acts as a hormonal bridge between individuals

Breaking Up (1:27:07)

Huberman explains why breakups can be so painful from a biological perspective:

Involves breaking both emotional and cognitive empathy
Removes a major source of oxytocin and dopamine
Creates a state of social isolation even if surrounded by others

He notes: "We are not just individuals, we are nervous systems influencing other nervous systems, and their nervous systems are influencing us."

Conclusion

Huberman concludes by emphasizing that while social bonding is complex and subjective, understanding the underlying biology can provide insights into forming and maintaining relationships. He encourages listeners to use this knowledge to strengthen desired social bonds and navigate challenging relationships. Ultimately, he reinforces that social bonds are vitally important for human wellbeing, whether formed in-person or online, and hopes this information will help people create more satisfying social connections.