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September 9, 2024 • 2hr 34min
Dr. Marc Brackett: How to Increase Your Emotional Intelligence
Huberman Lab
In this episode, Dr. Andrew Huberman interviews Dr. Marc Brackett, a professor at Yale University and director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence. Dr. Brackett is a leading expert on emotional intelligence and has developed evidence-based approaches for teaching emotional skills. The conversation explores what emotions are, how to work with them effectively, and why emotional intelligence is so crucial for wellbeing and success in life.
Dr. Marc Brackett: How to Increase Your Emotional Intelligence
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Key Takeaways
- Emotional intelligence involves recognizing, understanding, labeling, expressing, and regulating emotions in oneself and others
- The RULER approach provides a framework for developing emotional intelligence skills:
- Recognizing emotions in self and others
- Understanding the causes and consequences of emotions
- Labeling emotions accurately
- Expressing emotions appropriately
- Regulating emotions effectively
- Using precise emotional language and differentiating between similar emotions (e.g. anger vs. disappointment) is important for emotional intelligence
- The Mood Meter tool maps emotions on two axes: pleasantness and energy level. This helps increase emotional self-awareness.
- Emotion suppression is generally not effective long-term. Finding ways to reappraise emotions tends to be more helpful.
- Giving people "permission to feel" by being non-judgmental, empathetic, and actively listening is key for emotional development
- Bullying remains a major issue, affecting about 1/3 of students. Teaching emotional intelligence skills can help address bullying.
- Emotions play a crucial role in learning, decision-making, and relationships. Understanding emotions can improve these areas.
- Regular practices like gratitude and emotional check-ins can increase emotional awareness and wellbeing over time
Introduction
In this episode, Dr. Andrew Huberman interviews Dr. Marc Brackett, a professor at Yale University and director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence. Dr. Brackett is a leading expert on emotional intelligence and has developed evidence-based approaches for teaching emotional skills. The conversation explores what emotions are, how to work with them effectively, and why emotional intelligence is so crucial for wellbeing and success in life.
Topics Discussed
Defining Emotional Intelligence (6:03)
Dr. Brackett defines emotional intelligence as "how we reason with and about our emotions and feelings." He breaks it down into a set of skills using the acronym RULER:
- Recognizing emotions in self and others
- Understanding the causes and consequences of emotions
- Labeling emotions with precise vocabulary
- Expressing emotions appropriately in different contexts
- Regulating emotions effectively
He emphasizes that emotional intelligence involves both intrapersonal skills (understanding one's own emotions) and interpersonal skills (understanding others' emotions). Dr. Brackett notes: "We are co-regulating each other's emotions right now through our facial expressions, vocal tones. We're influencing how each other feels."
The Importance of Emotional Language (11:18)
The conversation explores how having a rich emotional vocabulary allows for more nuanced understanding and communication about emotions. Dr. Brackett gives the example of the anger family of emotions:
"If you only have one word for anger, that means all you know is there's one form of anger. But if you start teaching people well, there are other words that we could use, like peeved, irritated, angry, enraged, livid...and then you have rich conversations."
He notes that this "emotion differentiation" or "granularity" allows people to better understand their emotional experiences and communicate them to others.
Emojis, Anger vs. Disappointment, Behavior & Emotion (18:52)
Dr. Huberman raises concerns about the "emojification of culture" potentially oversimplifying complex emotions. Dr. Brackett agrees this can be problematic, emphasizing the importance of getting more granular with emotions.
He gives the example of differentiating anger from disappointment:
- Disappointment = unmet expectations
- Anger = perceived injustice
Dr. Brackett notes: "We grossly make mistakes in terms of labeling emotion from behavior. We got to just throw that out. There's no correlation really between behavior and emotion." He gives examples of how the same behavior could stem from different emotions in different contexts.
Parent/Teacher Support & Online Etiquette (26:05)
The discussion touches on how parents and teachers can better support children's emotional development. Dr. Brackett emphasizes the importance of creating safe spaces for children to express and explore their emotions.
Regarding online communication, Dr. Brackett notes it can decrease emotional intelligence: "You really can't communicate the same way through a text message." He encourages more face-to-face communication to build stronger relationships.
Happiness vs. Contentment & Knowing Oneself (35:46)
Dr. Brackett differentiates between happiness and contentment:
- Happiness is usually about achieving something
- Contentment is feeling complete and satisfied with things as they are
He argues that society's focus on pursuing happiness can backfire, and that cultivating contentment may be more beneficial. Dr. Brackett also discusses the importance of self-awareness and accepting one's natural tendencies and dispositions.
Introversion & Extroversion (41:33)
The conversation explores introversion and extroversion as preferences for how people use their energy. Dr. Brackett notes that some people, especially creative types, can be high in both traits. He emphasizes that understanding one's own tendencies can help in choosing appropriate emotion regulation strategies.
Texting & Relationships (52:40)
Dr. Brackett expresses concern about the overreliance on texting for communication, especially for emotional topics: "There's good research on even, like, teens right now prefer to text than to be face to face, which is weird, not helpful to building, like, good relationships."
He gives an example of receiving impersonal text messages when his father passed away, emphasizing the importance of more personal forms of communication for emotional support.
The Mood Meter Tool (1:00:37)
Dr. Brackett introduces the Mood Meter, a tool that maps emotions on two axes:
- Horizontal axis: Pleasantness (pleasant to unpleasant)
- Vertical axis: Energy/Activation (high to low)
This creates four quadrants:
- Yellow: High pleasant, high energy (e.g. happy, excited)
- Green: High pleasant, low energy (e.g. calm, content)
- Blue: Low pleasant, low energy (e.g. sad, disappointed)
- Red: Low pleasant, high energy (e.g. angry, anxious)
Dr. Brackett explains how this tool can help increase emotional self-awareness and guide appropriate regulation strategies.
Emotion Suppression & Permission to Feel (1:06:28)
The discussion explores the downsides of emotion suppression and the importance of giving people "permission to feel." Dr. Brackett shares personal experiences of growing up without adequate emotional support and how that motivated his work.
He introduces the concept of an "emotions mentor" - someone who creates conditions for emotional expression and growth. Dr. Brackett's research shows only about 1/3 of adults felt they had such a person growing up.
The key characteristics of an effective emotions mentor are:
- Non-judgmental
- Empathetic/compassionate
- Active listening
Discussing Feelings & Emotional Self-Awareness (1:19:42)
Dr. Brackett emphasizes that the goal isn't to constantly talk about feelings, but to develop greater awareness and skills for managing emotions effectively. He gives examples of how increased emotional awareness can lead to better problem-solving and relationship management.
Understanding Causes of Emotions, Stress, Envy (1:25:00)
The conversation explores how understanding the root causes of emotions can lead to more effective strategies. Dr. Brackett shares an example from his work with Yale students, where many reported feeling "stressed" but deeper analysis revealed the primary emotion was often envy.
This highlights the importance of accurate emotion labeling and addressing underlying causes rather than surface-level symptoms.
Framing Empathy & Compassionate Empathy (1:33:40)
Dr. Brackett discusses different forms of empathy:
- Cognitive empathy: Intellectually understanding another's experience
- Emotional empathy: Feeling what another person is feeling
- Compassionate empathy: Understanding, feeling, and being compelled to support or help
He argues for the importance of compassionate empathy, especially in professional contexts like healthcare.
Tools: Reframing, Distancing (1:42:28)
Dr. Brackett shares several strategies for managing difficult emotions:
- Reframing: Looking at a situation from a different perspective
- Hot air balloon technique: Imagining looking down at one's life from above to gain perspective
- Distancing: Creating psychological distance from a situation, like imagining it as a movie
He emphasizes the importance of having multiple strategies to draw from in different situations.
Emotions, Learning & Decision Making (1:53:49)
The discussion explores how emotions impact learning and decision-making. Dr. Brackett notes: "Emotions drive our attention. It's so clear, right? If we're not feeling engaged or curious, we're going to be bored."
He explains how different emotional states can be beneficial for different types of tasks (e.g. high energy for brainstorming, lower energy for detailed work).
Emotion App & Self-Awareness (2:02:43)
Dr. Brackett introduces the "How We Feel" app, which allows users to track their emotions over time. The app provides insights into emotional patterns and offers evidence-based strategies for emotion regulation.
Bullying (2:07:13)
The conversation turns to the topic of bullying. Dr. Brackett shares personal experiences of being bullied as a child and how it has informed his work. He notes that bullying rates haven't significantly decreased in recent decades, with about 1/3 of middle and high school students experiencing bullying.
Dr. Brackett argues for the importance of teaching emotional intelligence skills to both potential bullies and victims, as well as bystanders. He emphasizes the need for adults to be more perceptive and proactive in addressing bullying situations.
Emotion Education (2:18:06)
The discussion concludes with Dr. Brackett's vision for widespread emotion education. He shares examples of schools implementing his RULER approach and the positive impacts on students' emotional awareness and wellbeing.
Dr. Brackett emphasizes: "My dream is that I always, I say, I tell people, I'm so envious of that kindergartner because I've been lucky enough to be the developer of the curriculum, but I didn't live it." He expresses hope for future generations growing up with better emotional skills and support.
Conclusion
This wide-ranging conversation highlights the critical importance of emotional intelligence for personal wellbeing, relationships, learning, and societal health. Dr. Brackett provides a clear framework for understanding emotions and developing emotional skills through the RULER approach and tools like the Mood Meter.
Key takeaways include the importance of emotional vocabulary, giving people "permission to feel," and implementing evidence-based strategies for emotion regulation. The discussion emphasizes that emotional intelligence is not about constantly talking about feelings, but about developing greater awareness and more effective ways of working with emotions.
Dr. Brackett's personal experiences and research underscore the transformative potential of emotional education, particularly in addressing issues like bullying and improving learning environments. The conversation provides listeners with both a theoretical understanding of emotions and practical tools for increasing their own emotional intelligence.
